I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
