Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
