if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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