At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
two words: eviction party
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
