Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
