Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
