it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
