if you like me you must not know who I am
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
