we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
