I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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