i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
