I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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