We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
