i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
