I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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