Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
