He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
