Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
