i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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