I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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