dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
