Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is Oprah even human
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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