I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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