my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
