Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
