I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
