You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
