fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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