I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
