why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
