One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
