When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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