So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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