pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
