you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
