I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
