I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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