oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
