So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
