Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
