We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
