If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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