thus making me awesome and them whores
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
