I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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