dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
