I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
