i would punch a child for taco bell
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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