guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize