I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
