I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
