I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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