Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
