Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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