Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
