She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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